True Guilt
by madeleine68
Summary: Why do they do it? Post-"Guilt" oneshot. A/O Please review!


**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. Everything here belongs to Dick Wolf . . . tsk, tsk.**

**This oneshot takes place after **_**Guilt**_**, which just happens to be my favorite episode of all time (which actually means a lot, considering I've seen every episode . . . twice . . . three times . . . okay, more than three times – admitted, I have no life). Obviously A/O. Enjoy!**

She gets home exhausted, but relieved in some perverse way. She still has her job. Sure, she got a month's suspension – without pay – but as she arraigned Barnett, she had a sinking feeling that this would be the last time she stepped foot in a courtroom – as a prosecutor at least. She had a nagging feeling that she would end up back her soon, but not as an ADA – as a criminal. Linda Cavanaugh could have sued her, filed charges, and she would have lost her job and probably everything she owned, because Linda Cavanaugh would have won.

A month's suspension without pay, is (as Liz put it) a gift, and she knows it. A month with no money would be a disaster for one of the detectives, but for her, it's a mere inconvenience – she still has her trust fund, and over the course of ten years, the only thing she's withdrawn from it was money for university. In fact, a month's suspension might _really _be a gift. She can sleep in, relax, take a break from the stress that rules her day-to-day life. Honestly, she wouldn't need to work if she didn't want to – her family is one of the wealthiest in New York City. She works because she likes to. But a vacation might not be too bad.

Or at least, that's what she tells herself. She knows she did something wrong, but she also knows that, no matter what Liz says, it _was _for the greater good. This was one monster she wasn't going to let get away. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. And she won.

Olivia's waiting for her when she gets home. She's lying on her bed, reading a _People _magazine. Alex wrinkles her nose at the sight; she considers those magazines pure trash. "Why are people so obsessed with other people's miserable lives?" she's asked Olivia, over and over, to which Olivia just shrugs.

"It's interesting," she always says.

"If people spent half as much time worrying about their own lives as they do worrying about other people's, our workload would be cut in half," Alex always fires back, and Olivia stops, because she knows Alex is right.

Today, Olivia drops the magazine on the floor and watches, an eyebrow quirked in amusement, as Alex marches over and picks up the magazine, setting it down on the dresser. She looks at Olivia, who's smirking, and Alex knows Olivia was expecting her – Alex, compulsively organized Alex – to do. She can't stand having a stray book, a dirty sock, even a piece of fluff on the floor. Structure makes her feel secure.

"So, how badly did Donnelly kick your ass?" asks Olivia, amusement still playing around her lips.

Alex takes off her glasses. "It's not funny."

Olivia shrugs, raises her eyebrows, and waits.

Alex sighs. "A month's suspension, no pay."

"You got off easy," comments Olivia. "I thought she'd fire you for sure."

"So did I," admits Alex.

"She knows you did it for the greater good."

"Ah, here's the thing, though. What constitutes the greater good? When it is 'the greater good' sufficient to trample on the fourth amendment?"

Olivia props her head up on her elbow. "It's really bothering you, isn't it?"

Alex nods.

"Then why'd you do it?"

"Because I had to." She sighs again. "The bad guys can't always win."

"We try not to let them. They usually don't."

"Who are we kidding, Liv? We usually make deals, futile deals that put them away for six months, eighteen, two years, four. They come back out and ruin another kid's life. We try, sure, but it's an uphill battle."

"So why do we do it?"

Alex lies down beside Olivia on the bed and rests her head on the detective's stomach. "We do it because we have to. Because someone has to."

Olivia sighs too. "And that's the world. They commit heinous crimes, we try to stop them, but we can never fully right all the wrongs of the world. That's the balance of the earth, and we wouldn't have it any other way."

Alex considers. "No, it's more than that." She hesitates. "We couldn't stop if we wanted to."

**Review if you enjoyed this oneshot!**


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